I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
