Just fell off a train. Bad.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
