A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
