well I can't set my house on fire every night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
