last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
