I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
