I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
