i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
