Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
