im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
