I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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