You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
