I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pappa wants mamma naked
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
