Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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