I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
