fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
