I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
