I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
