she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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