How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
