okay pat passed out under dana's car
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
