I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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