You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
