im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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