She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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