Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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