Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
