I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
