So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we're so committed to being not committed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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