Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
