He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
