I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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