First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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