That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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