Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
