Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
