Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
