Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
