i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
