I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
