We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
