Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
