I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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