Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
