But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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