Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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