Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
