She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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