ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
