Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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