I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
