yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
