Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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