I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
