this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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