Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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