new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
