he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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