so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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