Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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