Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
