This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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