Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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