No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
