You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
