If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
